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Facebook Bullshit

I posted this on Facebook a year or so ago but its too good not to preserve for all eternity on the blog.

I stole this image from a friends page and added a comment but I think it really needs to be shared as a post in its own right so here goes.

Firstly yes this image is "so us". I look just like this. Greg often does this to me in the bathroom. He also wears no shirt around the house, but keeps a hat on. Apparently people actually wear baseball caps backwards, who'd of thought it aye?

Im always this happy and perky, my legs are toned, as smooth as an egg with not so much as trace of body hair or a multitude of unexplained bruises. My immaculately behaved kids just mill around at my feet and think nothing of sitting quietly in the sink with an ethical and responsibly sourced bamboo toothbrush for company, while Mummy and Daddy dry hump on the bathroom bench.

This is what we all should be doing according to the bollocks that is Facebook imagery.

So here's my real bathroom story. Yesterday morning while trying to have a shit in peace, Alice kicks the door open in full dawn raid drug bust style, and attempts to get on my lap for a hug. I tell her its not great time but if she could just wait outside I wont be long. Of course she completely ignores me and instead shoves her fingers under my nose and says "smell it. Yuck! It wrong". With little choice (all while trying to poo) I smell her fingers and agree they are indeed pretty gross and something is "wrong" and ask her what shes been touching. To which she looks at me very seriously and says "I put them up my bum Mummy".

Greg snorts loudly from the adjoining bedroom having heard our daybreak exchange and Im in complete disbelief that this is how Im greeted in the morning.

That's what goes in in my bathroom. And not a fucking bamboo toothbrush in sight.

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